So.
Latest news. No one will hire me out of state so I can move to Austin like I wanted to. So I decided I need to get a degree and not in photography because I can’t seem to get into that field right now. I’m going back to school at NOVA and going for a BS in Zoology/Zoo Science. I think this would be a good field for me to work in because I love animals and believe in animal conservation. I think I’d be a good Zoologist given I can push past the massive amounts of work needed in math. I’m going to try my damnedest to get into the closed math and biology classes at the Manassas campus. Meanwhile, I’m leaving ATCC in 3 days and I have no fall back which is starting to get a bit unnerving because I have WAY too many bills (Yes I know, the Mac, new phone, new car and camera aren’t seeming so awesome anymore…I’m stupid.). But with my new “I’ll be OK” philosophy, I’m not worried, which is nice. I’m still applying like crazy to anywhere.
Things with the “new” Chris are going pretty good. We’re still “unofficial”, which I’m trying to be patient with, because we have a good thing going and even if it doesn’t work out I don’t want to rush things that way, if we get to that point we get there, if we don’t we don’t. I’ve adopted “Sunday Fundays” to help alleviate some of his stress from work, getting out to do something fun and new. I think it’s good for me too, I need to a break from life sometimes. We’ve been watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia to get away from my ALWAYS watching How I Met Your Mother which has been a crutch so I can sleep since breaking up with Chris which was nearly six months ago now. But I’m happy with where we are right now.
Home is, well, home. Things aren’t so stressful since Chris lets me stay at his place on the weekends and if it’s really bad, once on a weekday. Dad’s divorce hearing is sometime beginning of August, they want me there to testify, I’m going to so glad when this is over.
I put my tongue ring back in, can’t believe the hole was still there.
OH! HUGE irony for the week. Tatiana, Chris’s new girlfriend, is taking over MY position AND desk. I laughed for probably an hour about that one. I really still can’t get over the irony in my life…My life really should be a sitcom…
Chris (my ex) and I are pretty much good now. I’m finally to the point where I can be cordial and not be pissed off later. I don’t feel hurt anymore, but I can’t forgive him for how everything went down, mainly with him dating Tatiana, that one was down right ridiculous. I’m fine with us never being friends, frankly I would never want to be friends with someone who would do what was done to me to someone. I do appreciate the things done in the last 3 months, they don’t ride in together, I don’t see them together at work, he doesn’t mention anything about her when we talk and he’s had to adjust to make that happen so I appreciate it. He earns brownie points, but it’ll never be enough for friendship.
This weekend should be really good though, I’ve had a lot of those recently. I’ll be seeing some friends from the show I did 2 years ago tonight. Seeing Alex in jail (I’ll explain that one next blog), doing something fun Saturday evening and going out to dinner with Chris and Stephanie (whom I haven’t seen in FOREVER) at Red Robin, yum! Next week I’m doing happy hour with people to celebrate my being unemployed (hopefully for only a short while) and watching Jake, which I’m really excited about because I miss the little guy loads. By the way, Jake is now one whole year old! It’s crazy how fast this year flew by. I forgot that it’s been a while since my last blog. When I post this I’ll make sure to not what I need to fill you in on next time :)
Until next time,
A
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Up to now.
Well, the play is over now. It’s been almost two weeks now since the last show and I really miss everyone, it was one of the best experiences of my life thus far. I’ll never forget it for sure. I’m hopefully planning a reunion party before I head out.
I’m still hanging out with Chris (Boom-Boom), a lot more these days that I have more free time. I do really like him, we’re kind of just rolling with our feelings right now and taking things as they come with all the variables we have in our lives right now. It’s still great to have the company and where I do really like him, I’m keeping myself prepared for the fact that it may not last because I need to keep my emotions in check. Until then, I’m just going to roll with it as long as we’re both on the same page.
So that will bring us up to the Fourth of July weekend. This was one of the best weekends in a long, long time. Friday Robert and Kendall flew me and Chris over to St. Michael’s in a tiny little plane, I was VERY nervous about that, but both flights went very well. I’d say the only downfall of the day was eating softshell crab, yuck. Being back in St. Michael’s brought up a lot of memories since the last time I was there it was to visit with Landon. I had forgotten about how nice that little town is, walking around all day and checking out various stores, walking around the maritime museum and the weather was beautiful all day for us. We listened to a band play up at the museum grounds until dusk rolled around, I took some really great pictures as the sun went down and then the fireworks show ended the night for us. We sat in a little ice cream shop while the crowd died down and traffic thinned out. I think spending the day with three really great friends was the best part of the whole day.
Saturday was the Great Meadow. I went home to get my brother and Ashleigh but they were having a little spat so I got some groceries (i.e: beer, chips and salsa and fruit for Chris) and then changed and picked them up. Another good part of the day was that I got to see Matt, Brian and Paul because I haven’t seen them in months. Chris was nice enough to drive us all out there because my car seemed to be too small to take everyone and our stuff, siiigh, the downside of a cute and small car. Once we got to the plains, which took no time at all strangely with how many people ended up being there in the end, I cracked open a beer and waited for my parents to show up. Once they got there Chris and I walked around a little bit, took in some interesting sights, saw the fluffy chickens and some baby animals, watched the melon shooting event, helicopters, which was pretty much what we did all day. The fireworks were amazing this year! I got a lot of good pictures of them too. My little camera decided to go kaput on me which almost soured my mood, but I was in such a good mood all day that it really didn’t put a dent in my day. Spending the day with Chris and actually having a day without any hiccups with my family is the best part of that day, along with fireworks of course.
Sunday was spent entirely just with Chris and was a great day even though it was spent doing nothing.
I’m now halfway through the work week which has been rough to say the least. Monday I had to go to the Urgent Care for my chest issue again, was given an inhaler and I feel much better. Afterwards I hung out with Chris for a little while and distressed and let my inhaler start working which was nice. Tuesday can pretty much suck it at this point, well the working part of it. I went to Zaq’s birthday happy hour and then party at his place/my old place, saw some old acquaintances, an old friend and had some good times talking with new people. It definitely picked me up from my day earlier. Oh, and I extended my resignation to end beginning of August a) to help out the Dept here because they are getting screwed, b) so I can have health insurance for the month of August and c) So I can have a little extra money in the pocket while I continue to find a job in Austin, currently having no luck with that.
At any rate, I’m feeling really great and I’m really glad things are looking up for me these days. I hope this good streak continues for a while.
Tune in next time, same bat time, same bat channel.
Adrian out….
I’m still hanging out with Chris (Boom-Boom), a lot more these days that I have more free time. I do really like him, we’re kind of just rolling with our feelings right now and taking things as they come with all the variables we have in our lives right now. It’s still great to have the company and where I do really like him, I’m keeping myself prepared for the fact that it may not last because I need to keep my emotions in check. Until then, I’m just going to roll with it as long as we’re both on the same page.
So that will bring us up to the Fourth of July weekend. This was one of the best weekends in a long, long time. Friday Robert and Kendall flew me and Chris over to St. Michael’s in a tiny little plane, I was VERY nervous about that, but both flights went very well. I’d say the only downfall of the day was eating softshell crab, yuck. Being back in St. Michael’s brought up a lot of memories since the last time I was there it was to visit with Landon. I had forgotten about how nice that little town is, walking around all day and checking out various stores, walking around the maritime museum and the weather was beautiful all day for us. We listened to a band play up at the museum grounds until dusk rolled around, I took some really great pictures as the sun went down and then the fireworks show ended the night for us. We sat in a little ice cream shop while the crowd died down and traffic thinned out. I think spending the day with three really great friends was the best part of the whole day.
Saturday was the Great Meadow. I went home to get my brother and Ashleigh but they were having a little spat so I got some groceries (i.e: beer, chips and salsa and fruit for Chris) and then changed and picked them up. Another good part of the day was that I got to see Matt, Brian and Paul because I haven’t seen them in months. Chris was nice enough to drive us all out there because my car seemed to be too small to take everyone and our stuff, siiigh, the downside of a cute and small car. Once we got to the plains, which took no time at all strangely with how many people ended up being there in the end, I cracked open a beer and waited for my parents to show up. Once they got there Chris and I walked around a little bit, took in some interesting sights, saw the fluffy chickens and some baby animals, watched the melon shooting event, helicopters, which was pretty much what we did all day. The fireworks were amazing this year! I got a lot of good pictures of them too. My little camera decided to go kaput on me which almost soured my mood, but I was in such a good mood all day that it really didn’t put a dent in my day. Spending the day with Chris and actually having a day without any hiccups with my family is the best part of that day, along with fireworks of course.
Sunday was spent entirely just with Chris and was a great day even though it was spent doing nothing.
I’m now halfway through the work week which has been rough to say the least. Monday I had to go to the Urgent Care for my chest issue again, was given an inhaler and I feel much better. Afterwards I hung out with Chris for a little while and distressed and let my inhaler start working which was nice. Tuesday can pretty much suck it at this point, well the working part of it. I went to Zaq’s birthday happy hour and then party at his place/my old place, saw some old acquaintances, an old friend and had some good times talking with new people. It definitely picked me up from my day earlier. Oh, and I extended my resignation to end beginning of August a) to help out the Dept here because they are getting screwed, b) so I can have health insurance for the month of August and c) So I can have a little extra money in the pocket while I continue to find a job in Austin, currently having no luck with that.
At any rate, I’m feeling really great and I’m really glad things are looking up for me these days. I hope this good streak continues for a while.
Tune in next time, same bat time, same bat channel.
Adrian out….
Friday, June 12, 2009
The Greatest Two Weeks Since....Well I don't even know when.
OK so it’s been about two weeks since the Fistful of Fifties show, it didn’t go quite as planned but it was a turning point in my life where I finally started turning things around and being happy with myself for once. It was great.
Meg came with me to the show, the minute we walked in I saw Chris and Tatiana cuddled up next to each other, that was like daggers in my heart, but I pushed through it said hi to everyone else but them and went to get a drink, a strong one. The rest of the night really turns into a blur of tequila shots, margaritas and a couple random shooters. Mark ended up being there and we managed to bury the hatchet, about time right? Karma seemed to have roundhouse kicked me in the face after all this time and just called it even and water under the bridge (I think I also thanked Chris for being a jackass so Mark and I could bury the hatchet, haha…). Caleb, Shanna and one of their friends came by and shenanigans ensued. I was polite with Tatiana, we even took shots with other people, ok it still made me bitter, but I was trying. At some point Chris and Tatiana, leaving me to my belligerence, which thankfully only few people witnessed but I feel like I handled it well and didn’t do anything too stupid. All things considered the night went well, I was happy, upbeat, polite and there was no throwdown. Oh and I had a good time, that’s the most important part. I woke up the next morning around 7am still drunk a bit, tried to sleep a little because I was going to hang with Hannah later in the day, dreading the sure-to-come hangover. I talked to a few people to piece together the night, had some laughs and the hangover never really came which was fantastic because I really didn’t want to feel like crap meeting a whole bunch of new people. I even looked great for my lack of sleep!
The part was great, I picked Hannah up and we made our way out. Everyone was so friendly and inviting, it was easy to merge into the group. It was way too cold in the pool to jump in so I was just as comfortable watching others hangout in it and listening to the stories. I by accident started a relationship with some hot dogs because no one could see that I was on the phone while I was getting my hot dog, haha. A family showed up that had 3 young boys and the oldest (who is 14) was completely smitten with me and even blew kisses at me as we were leaving, oh jeez…But I went home in a great mood, watched a movie and actually got some sleep.
Sunday the amazing weekend continued with Chloe coming down to go with me to the Vintage VA Wine Festival. We put on pretty sundresses and bought floppy hats to wear, it was just loads of fun and I missed Chloe a lot. We tasted a little wine, shopped around, tasted a little, met up with Meg, shopped a little, it was just a great day. It was nice for Chloe to finally see me happy again too.
The last couple of weeks have been rehearsals, hanging out with Meg, Hannah and Phil which have been some amazing nights, and VERY entertaining. They have quickly become great friends and have almost taken over the roles in my new transition as ‘advisors’. I’ve currently been banned from boys for the time being until I can be trusted dating and not getting attached haha. They really are a life saver because my nights would be so uneventful and they have made me feel alive again and also helped to bring out a part of me that has been dormant for many years.
The whole, not talking to Chris is actually going fairly well. I’ve talked to him a couple times but I’m really trying to keep it at a minimum. I actually tried to get today off so I could decompress before the play opens but those two are off and because Tatiana is out I couldn’t get the day off. They’re taking days off together now…how cute (barf). Needless to say I was a little pissed off about it. But Oh well.
I started hanging out with my friend Boom Boom a little bit more, I really love the company. The last couple times we’ve had drinks it’s just been over an hour of laughing and good times, I really enjoy his company which is refreshing. We actually went to see The Hangover (FUNNIEST movie ever) and nearly died laughing and spent about an hour in the parking lot talking. I also got to see Austin that night so I was happy to finally see her, since I will only see her tomorrow and who knows when because of my moving to Texas.
Actually that Saturday in a whole was great, Robert, Kendall and I went to the Va Renn Faire and enjoyed some good wine and festivities. I did a wine tasting a a vineyard for the first time ever, no different from the wine festival haha. I had a 13yr old follow me around and ask for hugs (he worked at the faire, but still, I mean 13?!), Robert and Kendall of course egged the kid on, sheesh. But I had a great time with them, just talking about life and stuff and enjoying the Faire.
This week has been Hell Week, so my soul belongs to Elden Street Players for this week, well up until today, they just own it on the weekends now. But, show opens tomorrow, it’s crazy that it’s finally that time. Scary at the same time because the weeks are seeming to fly by and before I know it it’s going to be time to move (sad face). But this weekend should still be fun, I’m looking forward to it, I love looking forward now and I love feeling good about myself for a change and not caring about Chris anymore. I’m a much better person for it.
Until next time… A
Meg came with me to the show, the minute we walked in I saw Chris and Tatiana cuddled up next to each other, that was like daggers in my heart, but I pushed through it said hi to everyone else but them and went to get a drink, a strong one. The rest of the night really turns into a blur of tequila shots, margaritas and a couple random shooters. Mark ended up being there and we managed to bury the hatchet, about time right? Karma seemed to have roundhouse kicked me in the face after all this time and just called it even and water under the bridge (I think I also thanked Chris for being a jackass so Mark and I could bury the hatchet, haha…). Caleb, Shanna and one of their friends came by and shenanigans ensued. I was polite with Tatiana, we even took shots with other people, ok it still made me bitter, but I was trying. At some point Chris and Tatiana, leaving me to my belligerence, which thankfully only few people witnessed but I feel like I handled it well and didn’t do anything too stupid. All things considered the night went well, I was happy, upbeat, polite and there was no throwdown. Oh and I had a good time, that’s the most important part. I woke up the next morning around 7am still drunk a bit, tried to sleep a little because I was going to hang with Hannah later in the day, dreading the sure-to-come hangover. I talked to a few people to piece together the night, had some laughs and the hangover never really came which was fantastic because I really didn’t want to feel like crap meeting a whole bunch of new people. I even looked great for my lack of sleep!
The part was great, I picked Hannah up and we made our way out. Everyone was so friendly and inviting, it was easy to merge into the group. It was way too cold in the pool to jump in so I was just as comfortable watching others hangout in it and listening to the stories. I by accident started a relationship with some hot dogs because no one could see that I was on the phone while I was getting my hot dog, haha. A family showed up that had 3 young boys and the oldest (who is 14) was completely smitten with me and even blew kisses at me as we were leaving, oh jeez…But I went home in a great mood, watched a movie and actually got some sleep.
Sunday the amazing weekend continued with Chloe coming down to go with me to the Vintage VA Wine Festival. We put on pretty sundresses and bought floppy hats to wear, it was just loads of fun and I missed Chloe a lot. We tasted a little wine, shopped around, tasted a little, met up with Meg, shopped a little, it was just a great day. It was nice for Chloe to finally see me happy again too.
The last couple of weeks have been rehearsals, hanging out with Meg, Hannah and Phil which have been some amazing nights, and VERY entertaining. They have quickly become great friends and have almost taken over the roles in my new transition as ‘advisors’. I’ve currently been banned from boys for the time being until I can be trusted dating and not getting attached haha. They really are a life saver because my nights would be so uneventful and they have made me feel alive again and also helped to bring out a part of me that has been dormant for many years.
The whole, not talking to Chris is actually going fairly well. I’ve talked to him a couple times but I’m really trying to keep it at a minimum. I actually tried to get today off so I could decompress before the play opens but those two are off and because Tatiana is out I couldn’t get the day off. They’re taking days off together now…how cute (barf). Needless to say I was a little pissed off about it. But Oh well.
I started hanging out with my friend Boom Boom a little bit more, I really love the company. The last couple times we’ve had drinks it’s just been over an hour of laughing and good times, I really enjoy his company which is refreshing. We actually went to see The Hangover (FUNNIEST movie ever) and nearly died laughing and spent about an hour in the parking lot talking. I also got to see Austin that night so I was happy to finally see her, since I will only see her tomorrow and who knows when because of my moving to Texas.
Actually that Saturday in a whole was great, Robert, Kendall and I went to the Va Renn Faire and enjoyed some good wine and festivities. I did a wine tasting a a vineyard for the first time ever, no different from the wine festival haha. I had a 13yr old follow me around and ask for hugs (he worked at the faire, but still, I mean 13?!), Robert and Kendall of course egged the kid on, sheesh. But I had a great time with them, just talking about life and stuff and enjoying the Faire.
This week has been Hell Week, so my soul belongs to Elden Street Players for this week, well up until today, they just own it on the weekends now. But, show opens tomorrow, it’s crazy that it’s finally that time. Scary at the same time because the weeks are seeming to fly by and before I know it it’s going to be time to move (sad face). But this weekend should still be fun, I’m looking forward to it, I love looking forward now and I love feeling good about myself for a change and not caring about Chris anymore. I’m a much better person for it.
Until next time… A
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Cahoneys.
So I gathered up some cohoneys this week. I told Chris that I wanted to take a break from trying to be his friend and focus on myself for a while to get my shit together and it was up to him to call or initiate conversation. I need this time to take care of myself because I’ve spent years trying to please everyone else and somehow forgot about myself. I need to take my time to be pissed off at him and I will need time for forgiveness. I need it because of the terms in which we broke up and then three months later when he started dating someone in MY dept that not only do I not trust, I just don’t like her. I just couldn’t see a reason to try to be friends with him now, I’m too angry. So while he “Lives his life” I’m pulling together mine after he destroyed mine. It makes things complicated because we have the same friends and I was looking forward to a friend’s show this Friday but she wants to go, so I can’t bring myself to go and see them together, it’s still too difficult. Second time in one week I wanted to punch him straight in the face.
I also just gathered myself together and decided to tell my supervisor of my plans to move to Austin. I’ve been thinking of moving for a while, but with my ex (whom I work with) dating someone I don’t like (also someone I work with, complicated right?) I can’t stand being here anymore, so I don’t see a point in delaying my departure anymore, I’m ready to move on with my life and hit that “restart” button. I put in my application for an apartment and sent out the application fee this morning, fingers crossed. I’m scared as hell to do this, new place, new people and about fifteen hundred miles away from anything familiar. It’s something I need to do though, I’ve been here far too long and it’s holding me back from being something amazing. I’m not sure I have a future in VA anymore. I mean don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my friends to death, but most of them support this and are happy for me which is great. I won’t be able to see my sweet little godson Jake grow up (we’re still hoping he walks before I leave, doubtful but I can still hope) but I’ve made Christina swear to send me updates and pictures. I feel it in my heart, this needs to be done.
Things at home are calm for now, I’m sure now that I’ve said this they will explode. My mom is hesitant to support my move but trying. I’m trying to be a little more understanding with her, after all, my dad and I have a crappy relationship I should try to have one that is somewhat workable.
I’m still talking to Sherry once a month which I need I think. She’s the first therapist I’ve talked to that actual helps me which makes me sad to lose her. She got me through the roughest part of my life thus far, I will be forever grateful.
Stress has manifested itself in a new way this year, stomach pain. I can’t eat unless I am in great spirits, so I haven’t been eating much. As of yesterday evening, I’ve lost 20lbs in 3 months. I like that I’ve lost the weight but I’m afraid that it will come right back when my spirits are back up to 100%. I’m trying to get on a better eating regimen so that doesn’t happen. As for stress, I’m taking Valerian (recommended by my great friend Gabby) to help smooth that over and get myself out with my great, awesome theatre buddies.
Theatre has also been a saving grace in the last month. I couldn’t believe I got the part to begin with but the friends and good times have really pulled me out of my funk and kept me out when I found out about Chris dating. The rehearsals are going great, I finally got into character within the last week and realized I’ve been missing it so much. The people are great and so understanding. I’ve got my core group there with Phil, Megan and Hannah, they pretty much rock.
As for the last few months, I’m not proud of how I’ve handled it but I feel like I’ve finally got myself together enough to be in this to help myself not fall back into old habits. I hope that eventually Chris and I could be friends, I feel it in my heart that we can be great friends and this isn’t something I should just throw away. I finally feel like I’m going to pull through this and be amazing, I also feel that one to the core so I am confident.
I decided with this along with my Mac I would document my journey over the next 2 months and beyond, it’s going to be a big one. Look out world!
I also just gathered myself together and decided to tell my supervisor of my plans to move to Austin. I’ve been thinking of moving for a while, but with my ex (whom I work with) dating someone I don’t like (also someone I work with, complicated right?) I can’t stand being here anymore, so I don’t see a point in delaying my departure anymore, I’m ready to move on with my life and hit that “restart” button. I put in my application for an apartment and sent out the application fee this morning, fingers crossed. I’m scared as hell to do this, new place, new people and about fifteen hundred miles away from anything familiar. It’s something I need to do though, I’ve been here far too long and it’s holding me back from being something amazing. I’m not sure I have a future in VA anymore. I mean don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my friends to death, but most of them support this and are happy for me which is great. I won’t be able to see my sweet little godson Jake grow up (we’re still hoping he walks before I leave, doubtful but I can still hope) but I’ve made Christina swear to send me updates and pictures. I feel it in my heart, this needs to be done.
Things at home are calm for now, I’m sure now that I’ve said this they will explode. My mom is hesitant to support my move but trying. I’m trying to be a little more understanding with her, after all, my dad and I have a crappy relationship I should try to have one that is somewhat workable.
I’m still talking to Sherry once a month which I need I think. She’s the first therapist I’ve talked to that actual helps me which makes me sad to lose her. She got me through the roughest part of my life thus far, I will be forever grateful.
Stress has manifested itself in a new way this year, stomach pain. I can’t eat unless I am in great spirits, so I haven’t been eating much. As of yesterday evening, I’ve lost 20lbs in 3 months. I like that I’ve lost the weight but I’m afraid that it will come right back when my spirits are back up to 100%. I’m trying to get on a better eating regimen so that doesn’t happen. As for stress, I’m taking Valerian (recommended by my great friend Gabby) to help smooth that over and get myself out with my great, awesome theatre buddies.
Theatre has also been a saving grace in the last month. I couldn’t believe I got the part to begin with but the friends and good times have really pulled me out of my funk and kept me out when I found out about Chris dating. The rehearsals are going great, I finally got into character within the last week and realized I’ve been missing it so much. The people are great and so understanding. I’ve got my core group there with Phil, Megan and Hannah, they pretty much rock.
As for the last few months, I’m not proud of how I’ve handled it but I feel like I’ve finally got myself together enough to be in this to help myself not fall back into old habits. I hope that eventually Chris and I could be friends, I feel it in my heart that we can be great friends and this isn’t something I should just throw away. I finally feel like I’m going to pull through this and be amazing, I also feel that one to the core so I am confident.
I decided with this along with my Mac I would document my journey over the next 2 months and beyond, it’s going to be a big one. Look out world!
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